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Round 1 2011
Masters vs. Rockingham
VET’S FOOTBALL IS BACK. What better time of the year is it than the football season? Who cares about the cricket, the beaches and the bikini clad girls (did I really say that?) and that it was 33 degrees and the balding heads were red raw, the sweat was pouring from our aging bodies and after five minutes of the first quarter, dehydration was the main issue of the day.
The first game of the year welcomed new faces to the master’s team in addition to some younger faces (that’s the super guys who are always there to help out). These included Pablo and Harro – nice shorts mate. Now both performed admirably on the day although I’m not sure if only playing on one leg qualifies you to play in an older age group! Yes, that’s you Harro.
As always, the Rockingham boys were a pleasure to play against and the game was played in high spirits, competitively but extremely fair.
Not only were there two new players making their debut but some guy in an orange shirt made his debut as umpire. Now while you attract a lot of crap from boys around the club, Arra, mainly because you invented sledging and light hearted abuse of team mates, I take my hat off to you, as I know you won’t be taking yours off on hot days, for a great debut (and let’s hope the standard is maintained). Newboy also made his long awaited coaching debut after performing a solid but enjoyable pre season. Of course there’s always an exception and the training night before the first game.............. the end to end ball work..............after a three quarter scratch match certainly had players disappearing and off the track in large numbers. Again, hat’s off Tony for a wonderful debut.
As previous readers of this column are well aware, my match reports certainly give me the poetic licence to talk in depth about my achievements, goal scoring feats and injuries throughout the year. So why change in 2011. The game started well enough with myself lining up at full forward and very quickly after a strong mark up forward in my usual 10 to 15 metre distance from goal, slotting through a major. Throughout both the first and second quarters I undoubtedly took some of the strongest marks of the game and if my memory serves me correct, which it well may not, there was at least five marks with several goal assist and one very accurate kick at the right hand goal post in the second quarter which shaked the metal.
At this point, I thought I was in for a big game and then Newboy decided to make some radical positional moves at half time and sent me to the half back flank, a position which I think I last played in a competitive game of football at sometime in the mid 80’s. Now as the look on most of my Master’s colleagues faces said it all, I too had my doubts that I was going to be completive in this position. My philosophy which has been stated in these reports over time has always been that “no good full forward should go past the centre half forward position”. And I really mean that!!!!
But sorry to disappoint you boys, I consider that I put in a solid effort in the second half on the half back line with even one strong tackle providing a turnover which I will argue resulted in a goal to our side. I must admit after that tackle in the final, things went pair shaped and my good friend Rod, ran from the half forward flank looking very concerned and suggested that I was about to have a heart attack and that I should go and rest on the half forward line. I whole heartily agreed of course.
Unfortunately, the run back to the half forward line proved too difficult for me and BP got the urgent request from myself for a rotation on to the bench. This is where I sat out the rest of the game and the next two quarters of the Super’s game trying to the recover and catch my breath. I don’t think there’s any need to cover my achievements again in the back line in the third quarter of that game.
As for the rest of the team, whilst the game was fairly close at half time, we dominated the second half with the switch of Magic from centre half back to centre half forward providing a highlight of the game with his usual strong marks and accurate kicking. Yours truly even provided a “centre metre perfect” pass to Magic as I wondered aimlessly into the forward line (which I will credit to following and keeping on my man). A beautiful, let’s call it 40 metre pass, that resulted in a goal to Magic.
Another great effort came from Tony who burst out of the blocks like a young 39 year old in the first quarter off the half back line providing many thrusts forward in to our forward line. An absolute corker of a game from you Tony, well done. Actually, if I had to call for a best player of the day, Magic and Tony would be vying for that position.
Our ex coach Selfy certainly was playing in unfamiliar territory up forward in the second half and provided many opportunities.............. when Magic wasn’t hogging it................ and if my memory serves me correct may have even had a shot at goal. Other star performers on the day include Muriel, Poobah, Irish Sean and Big Baz, that’s until one of my stray passes possibly caused him to roll an ankle. If it was me mate, my apologies.
Boothy struggled admirably all day on one knee and as long as he didn’t have to turn certainly provided an option up forward. Big congratulations goes to BP for his return match after an unfortunate incident falling from his roof before the season started last year. I must admit his first attempt at a mark in the first quarter almost saw a return to hospital as he got crunched between two very large players. I could see the white look of horror on his face as it occurred but thankfully (and deservedly) no injury to that dodgy right (or was it left?) leg was received. In actual fact, BP played outstanding on the day and none of his pace from 2009 has appeared to have disappeared.
Many thanks to all the Master’s for the day and the Super’s that helped out, yes, that includes you Harro. Well done on the debutants and seeing I have the licence to talk about myself in this report. I would also like to extend this to mention my son Daniel.
Daniel has offered, (and somehow managed to get an increase to his pocket money each week or fortnight, depending on my negotiation skills) to be the Manager of The Masters. Well done Daniel. The boys appreciate it and thanks boys for making him welcome. Just keep him out of the beer tent after the game!
Apologies as I am unaware of the Turkey of the Week award for best player, so I will update you all in my next column.
Wembley Supers v Rockingham Rams
‘Like a G6’
I have to say that some of today’s music has me flummoxed. I seriously have little clue what the hell a significant proportion of today’s ‘musicians’ are actually singing about. I’ve also come to the conclusion that this would be entirely remedied if I knew what the f*** a G6 was or is. Everyone is singing about them and in doing so they are ‘feeling so fly’.
I have deduced that it must be something good. Or ‘mint’ as we used to say when I was growing up. But this as far as I’ve got, and will ever get, in understanding their lyrics. Because in thinking about this lately I have realised that I really don’t care what they’re on about. But in the interests of staying contemporary, I can tell you that the Wembley Supers played like a G6 against the Rockingham Rams on Sunday. That’s right kids, we were that bloody good.
But let’s acknowledge a few things from the pre-season before we get into how fly were on Sunday. Word.
After a couple of years running the show Craig ‘Rug’ Nelmes, handed over the coaching mantle to the outgoing President in Tony ‘Newboy’ Newnham. Of course, Rug’s reign will forever be linked to the use of that majestic whiteboard and his scary addiction to witches hats. Newboy, eager to be his own man, has dispensed with the whiteboard and gone all up market with an AFL release work book complete with training exercises, position pad and smart arse retorts to grown men who won’t listen at training. Obviously something happens to you when you become a footy coach though, because he has upped the ante on witches hat use. No doubt the AFL will bring in a rule soon to curb the increase in witches hat activity.
Newboy put together a ‘simple’ pre-season of kicking, marking and handballing and introduced us to a new hybrid game that the All Australian team will be playing against the Dallas Cowboys at the end of the season.
We also got to practice ‘bringing it in’. A lot.
A number of new guys have come down to the club and we’re all the better for it. Justin ‘JB’ Boelen and Rod ‘Rocket’ Walton were two new guys that lined up for Supers on the weekend. JB even lined up at full forward in his first game. Rumours abound as to how this eventuated. It’s not my place to confirm or deny the rumours, but let’s just say that Justin has a new nickname down at Wembley – ‘Paris’.
Brad ‘Boogie’ Allen must also be mentioned at this point. Boogie has a shoulder injury that inhibits his ability to play. Sorry, let me clarify that – it further inhibits his ability to play because prior to the shoulder injury he was a crab. He now has a medical reason for being woeful on field. However being the absolutely stellar bloke that he is, Boogie has stepped up his off field contributions to the club to the highest order. He has joined the Committee and has been singlehandedly responsible for the best after training BBQs the club has ever experienced. A Boogie Burger might not sound that appetising if you’re over 7 years of age, but let me tell you they are to die for.
But let’s get on to our G6 effort against the Rams.
With the temperature rising 32 degrees the coach’s first serious test was how he was going to ensure the occupational health and safety of his players. In a decisive move that will no doubt set the standard for the rest of the season, Newboy gave Tony ‘Baz’ Corbett the news that he wouldn’t be able to play with the sun being so prominent. Although feeling somewhat rangified (that’s the legal term for Ginger Vilification), Baz took it on his very pale chin and feigned an ankle injury just to save face.
He is currently re-thinking the decision to grow back his hair in an attempt to fly under the radar.
Father-to-be Shane ‘Muriel’ Wedding read out the side that would see Sean ‘Irish’ Delaney and Dale ‘Chip’ Newsome share the ruck duties. It was at this point we saw that Paris had landed himself the coveted full forward poistion and eyebrows began to raise. Then we saw him come out of the changerooms with stockings on and they raised a little further. In a shocking case of bad luck, Muriel rasied his so far that they fell off the back of his head and he is now seeking an eyebrow donor.
In fact, if anyone has any hair for any body part they wouldn’t mind sharing please contact Muriel immediately.
Our other new face, Rocket, would find himself in the backline. No prizes for guessing which one of our debutantes has the higher standards.
Signs were ominous for the Rams pretty much from the first bounce which was swiftly cleared by our on ball brigade into the forward line and resulted in a goal within the first two minutes. It was pretty well a carbon copy of how the next 13 minutes of the quarter would go with goals being piled on by Brad ‘Benno’ Bennett, Ben ‘Spits’ Spitteler, Clint ‘Fev’ Nieuwendaal, Paris, Rug, and Muriel.
Of course, Andy ‘Whitey’ Whitechurch would have scored a goal too, but being a NAB employee he was too busy running around telling people they were ‘dumped’.
While the immense number of goals scored for the quarter were a good sign of how one-sided the game was, perhaps the better indicator was the 6 blokes ‘playing’ in the backline fighting each other for the kick-in resulting from the solitary point the Rams managed for the quarter. Micheal ‘Devo’ Devine used all his rat cunning to ensure he would take the kick out.
It’s a good thing he did too, because it would be his only stat for the first half.
At the quarter time huddle the coach definitely said something but as usual I wasn’t listening. If I were to hazard a guess I reckon it would have included a compliment to Paris on his stockings, stressing the need to continue to play selfless footy and for Mark ‘Aravinda’ da Silva to do something. Anything.
The second quarter was almost a carbon copy of the first with Dale ‘Chip’ Newsome and Sean ‘Irish’ Delaney starting to win the ruck knocks to good effect. The back line had a little bit more to do in the second quarter and Rod ‘Rocket’ Walton showed his skills in cleaning up the inevitable mess made by Devo and Aravinda. Jimmy Waghorn ‘and I don’t care’ came into his own in the second quarter. He made a number of decisive runs through the middle and continually hit targets in the forward 50. He was finally rewarded for his efforts when he drilled a superb running goal from 45m out late in the quarter.
Anthony ‘Monty’ Monterosso moved up from a half back flank and on to the ball in the second half of the second quarter with the instructions for short, sharp rotations with his on ball counterpart.
Needless to say his on ball counterpart is still waiting for a rotation to occur.
In his long awaited return to footy, Ben ‘BP’ Powell was impressive with his strong leads and good voice. Of course, we ignored him completely. I am pleased o say that he was eventually handed a cheap goal from an over the top handball while waiting in the goal square.
It’s good to have you back on the paddock BP.
At half time Newboy made the most of the game situation and swung a number of changes. Devo, Rocket and Muriel were gifted positions in the forward line for the second half and made the most of their opportunities. Of course, Paris maintained his spot in the forward line which just fuelled the rumours of his clandestine arrangement with the new coach.
The two biggest beneficiaries of the changes in the second half were Geoff ‘Wally’ Ahern and Nathan ‘Cogs’ Colgan. These two would find themselves rotating onto the ball for the second half and acquitting themselves with aplomb in doing so. Cogs showed some nous when the ball hit the deck and regularly fed the ball out to someone in a better position. The fact that there were so many people in better positions will no doubt provide Cogs with some food for thought.
It would also be nice if he discriminated which team he gave the ball to when in those better positions.
Wally on the other hand was very white collar in his approach and refused to acknowledge any effort required below the knees. He has however, perfected the tumbling 35metre-ugly-punt-kick-forward-out-of-the-middle which at least ensured the ball was going our way.
The second half also saw the injection of Joseph ‘Joey’ Agnello, Jason ‘Flanders’ Fleay and Ian’ Trigger’ Booth for a run after playing in the earlier Masters game.
The changes did little to deter from the quality of football played by the boys in the Wembley jumpers. Shane ‘Padsy’ Paddon showed his class when having a run on ball and Craig ‘Rug’ Nelmes would have had won goal of the year for his ‘triple spin with right foot finish’ had it not been for the umpire being a little over officious.
Good decision making, rewarding the efforts of team mates and sharing the ball were the themes that continued in the second half and everyone on the ground benefitted from the quality team play resulting.
The three unnamed gentlemen who made up the full back line in the final term and had a wager on who could kick a goal were also very thankful to other teammates for covering for them when they went, ahem, missing from their posts at various points.
Ain’t it great to have the footy back?!
Pick of the Bunch: Benno, Rug, Muriel, Irish and Jimmy